How It Is Today
by Fox-Almasy
Summary: Millie reflects on the past on her yearly visit to the cemetery. Post series.


How It Is Today

By: Fox Almasy

Fox: just a nice little song fic I wanted to write.

Kojisa: yep and it wouldn't leave the mind until it was down on paper. So hope you enjoy

Disclaimer: don't own a thing. The song is Never Alone by Barlow Girl

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Millie took a deep breath before stepping through the old rusted gate like she did every year on this day. She felt the sting of tears but willed them not to fall as she searched for what she was looking for. She knew where it was by heart now, after all 4 years was a long time to keep a routine before it finally became just habit.

She stopped and stared down at the marble headstone before falling to her knees in front of the grave. She felt a lump bubble up in her throat and made an attempt to swallow it down. She always found it so hard to speak the first words but somehow she always managed to do it.

"Hi Wolfwood." her whispered words seemed so loud in the cemetery as she made herself more comfortable so that she could tell him about everything that had happened that year. Her memories overcame her as she talked about the happenings in town. She thought about that night so long ago, when they had shared their bodies and their souls. Whispered promise that would never be tried out because they had died almost as soon as they were made. That night he had changed, but why then had he been taken away?

_"I'll come back . . . I promise." _those words echoed in Millie's head as she felt a tear slip silently down her cheek.

_**I waited for you today  
But you didn't show  
No no.  
I needed you today  
So where did you go?  
You told me to call  
Said you'd be there  
And though I haven't seen you  
Are you still there?**_

"Nicholas has gotten so big. You would be proud of him." she murmured and glanced up and smiled as she caught sight of the little boy examining a headstone a few yards down. He must have felt her watching, because he soon glanced over at her and smiled happily before looking back at the headstone. "He's smart too and has already been practicing some reading."

At first Millie had always felt so alone. She had Meryle, but she had never felt more lonely. She was angry at the world, but when she found out that soon she would be having a baby by the only man she had ever loved it was almost like Wolfwood was alive again. Even though Wolfwood was gone he had left a part of himself behind for her. Every night during her pregnancy, Millie thanked God for the gift she had been given. However, she was still depressed through the first month. She could remember crying out at night for him, but was answered by silence. She wanted just once to know he was with her, a simple touch, she wanted to feel and hear him just once more.

Meryle became angry with her and told her that if she continued like this, then she may have a miscarriage. Millie was horrified and did her best to cease the nightmares that plagued her. At times she even believed that Wolfwood was beside her, she just wished he could have been there for her.

**_I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel you by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know_**

_**You're here and I'm never alone**_

Millie was brought from her thoughts as her 3-year-old climbed into her lap and leaned his head gently against her shoulder. She smiled and gently ran her fingers through his soft black hair. Her son seemed like an exact copy of his father. From the way he looked to the facial expressions he made, Millie could see Wolfwood in him. She had named him Nicholas D. Wolfwood even though Meryle disagreed with the decision. She believed it would only make it harder for Millie, but Millie couldn't think of a more appropriate name.

_**And though I cannot see you  
And I can't explain why  
Such a deep reassurance  
You've placed in my life.  
We cannot separate  
'Cause you're apart of me.  
And though you're invisible  
I'll trust the unseen.**_

They sat in silence for a while as Millie stared at the words carved into the smooth marble of Wolfwood's headstone. Blue eyes stared up at Millie with concern as a fresh wave of tears spilled over onto her cheeks. Millie smiled as Nicholas reached up and wiped the tears away with his small hands. He had told her once he didn't like to see his momma cry and always asked what it was that made her cry in the first place.

"Momma . . . Why are you crying?" she took his hand gently in hers and kissed it as she stood up and lifted him with her.

"Because I'm so happy to have you and so very lucky. Now why don't you go explore for a bit while momma says goodbye to Mr. Wolfwood." he nodded as she set him down and turned and hurried over to a nearby tree where he had found an old bullet shell the last time they had come.

_**I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel you by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know**_

_**You're here and I'm never alone**_

Millie watched him, before averting her attention back to the grave. She had told Nicholas about his father, but had always referred to the rogue priest as Mr. Wolfwood. Even though Nick knew that Wolfwood was his father he had also called him by Mr. Wolfwood when ever he'd ask for his mother to tell him a story about his father.

"I wish you were here Wolfwood . . . I wish you could watch him grow with me." she sighed before running a gentle finger over the marble. "Why did you have to break your promise? I waited for you to come back even though I knew you never would." she paused for a moment and looked up at the bright blue sky. Then closing her eyes she let herself imagine his touch once more before leaning down and kissing the marker. "I'll see you later Okay?"

Turning she made her way to the cemetery entrance. Glancing over her shoulder she called for her son and watched as he hurried toward her.

"Momma!" she paused in her movements and turned to watch as Nicholas looked up at her, face flush with excitement.

"What is it?"

"I thought you said Mr. Wolfwood died. That's what you always told me in the stories right?"

"But sweetie he is . . ." he held out his palm for her to see what he had been clutching onto with his life. In his small hands sat two silver cross cuff links. She blinked and gently picked one up to examine. They were just like his. Looking up she quickly scanned the cemetery for whoever it was that had given these to her son. Her eyes widened as they settled on a lone figure leaning against the only tree in the area. He was dressed in black and a cigarette was held gently in his mouth as small clouds of smoke rose up from it. She couldn't believe her eyes, but as soon as she blinked the man was gone. For a moment she felt his touch on her cheek before it was gone with the gentle breeze.

_**We cannot separate  
You're apart of me.  
And though you're invisible  
I'll trust the unseen.  
**_

Smiling Millie took Nicholas's hand in hers as they made their way toward their small home on the outskirts of town. She knew he would always be watching, maybe he too was wishing he was watching with her, just maybe he missed her as much as she missed him.

_"Millie . . .I . . . I love you." smiling Millie gently brushed his bangs from his forehead._

_"I . . . love you too."_

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Fox: hope you liked it

Kojisa: Don't forget to review!

AUDI!


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